It’s not easy being green

carrot-kale-walnuts-tomatoes.jpgI HEARD  comedian Ricky Gervaise laugh at blog writers for listing their favourite tracks by their favourite singers. I decided there and then I would never do that. I never want to be held up to public ridicule.

So I have decided instead to list my 10 least favourite vegetables. In descending order of horribleness.

  • 10. CARROTS. During my web research for this list I was informed by one site that seemed to know its beans, etc: “Use sparingly due to high carbohydrate levels.”
  • 9. CELERY. What’s the point? I find that a glass of water fills you up more and has more flavour.
  • 8. BRUSSELS SPROUTS. There is no nice way of saying this. These give me repeated wind. So does curry, but curry is worth persevering with because it tastes good and stuff the social niceties.
  • 7. TURNIPS. OK, I am not sure I have ever eaten these. But I have seen cows eat them. And Baldrick. Neither looked very happy.
  • 6. TIM TAMS. Technically these aren’t vegetables. But my wife assures me that even if we could buy them at the greengrocer’s, we wouldn’t because they fall into that fattening category.  Paradoxically, tim tams do figure at the top of my favourite chocolate biscuit list; they just don’t rate very well as vegetables.
  • 5. EGGPLANT. I have ethical concerns here. How can you tell if they came from an battery eggplant farm or not?
  • 4. CUCUMBERS: I hope I never get invited for sandwiches at Buckingham Palace.  in my book, the saying should say ‘ewww as a cucumber’.
  • 3. BRUSSELS SPROUTS. Oh, eeexxxcccuuuuse me. Again.
  • 2. BEETROOT. Sheesh, it’s not even green like a proper vegetable. I am very thankful to the website that tells me this is another vegetable to use sparingly due to high carbohydrate levels. My interpretation here is that seeing that tim tams aren’t even on that website, they are probably better for you than beetroot. And certainly tastier.
  • 1. FENNEL. The biggest dislike. We did a cooking master class in Sicily in 2013 and one of the things on the menu was a salad of fennel and blood orange. My wife said it was delicious, I thought it was palatable. The orange anyway. I think this might be a Venus and Mars thing. Speaking of which, which food group claims Mars Bars?

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