John Martin’s books

 

new MadBill

WHITEY and Darkey pushed us out the front door.
‘And stay out until you’re dead.’ Whitey slammed the door behind us.

THIS IS THE THIRD BOOK IN THE MAD BILL SERIES: Things have gone from bad to worse for Ralph Whistler in this comical thriller. The novel begins when Ralph gets chased into the bay by an angry mob. Things start looking up for him when he gets rescued by a passing fishing boat. But then he finds out the boat is headed out to sea for six weeks, the skipper is dodgy, the deckhand is dim and the two stowaways on board are wanted criminals.Ralph Whistler just wants to get home to his pregnant wife and can’t stand the thought he’ll have to be on this boat for six weeks with this bunch — and miss the birth of his first child.He needn’t have worried though. They all end up on an island ruled by a gun-toting old man, and that’s when Ralph’s real problems begin.

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SOB

PREORDER FROM AMAZON ONLY (KU) — for release on February 28, 2018

Even if they haven’t read the book or seen the movie, most Australians know the story of The Mutiny on the Bounty. It happened in 1789 when Acting Lieutenant Fletcher Christian led a mutiny against Captain William Bligh and set him and 18 loyalists adrift in an open row-boat. It is the stuff of legends that the cantankerous old bugger reached safety 3500 nautical miles later. It also has nothing to do with this fictional novel. THIS IS THE FIRST BOOK IN THE MAD BILL SERIES:

It’s 1974 in Hobart, which has become home to Australia’s first legal casino — and the reason why gangsters from Chicago have come to Tasmania. This is bad news for lawyer William Clarin, who flees the island state moonlighting as a magician on an ocean liner named The Bounty XIII. What he doesn’t know is some of his adversaries are on the ship, too. This novella is a prequel to Escape from Mad Bill’s Island. It tells how Mad Bill got to his island in the first place.

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When a pompous mayor tries to rip out his apple orchard it puts him on a collision course with the local Tasmanian Tiger hunter. Moose Routley is not nearly as quirky as a lot of characters in this funny mystery, which makes what he eventually does to the mayor all the more surprising and probably history-making. Moose has been hired by a Texan billionaire to find a Tasmanian tiger, despite the carnivorous marsupial having been listed as extinct. Along the way he gets recruited by the local football team, which hasn’t won the premiership for 99 years; befriends a bikie whose gang has deserted him; sells Bushrangers Whiskers to markets in the United States; and gets his hands dirty in what becomes known as The Great Sperm Robbery. As if that’s not enough, one of his housemates gets tangled up in one of Tasmania’s antiquated laws when he’s caught dressing as a woman between the hours of sunset and sunrise. This is the first novel in the Windy Mountain Tasmanian Tiger series.

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Two old codgers resort to some secret doggy business to prove the existence of the Tasmanian Tiger. This ferocious-looking marsupial was declared extinct in 1986, but Wish-Wash and Oodles think its revival is essential to the survival of an Irishman who arrives to manage the Tasmanian Tiger Museum in Windy Mountain. This is a town full of quirky characters, and only mayors and former mayors are allowed to own dogs. The two old men have a problem of their own but this doesn’t stop them breaking the law to help the Irishman. It turns out the Irishman is not who he pretends to be, though. But that’s OK because neither is the museum. What do you expect of a museum of a museum that is owned by an entity called Biggs and Sons? The boss is Mr Biggs! You’ll laugh as the mysteries unravel, intersect, and come to a flaming head. This is the second novel in the Windy Mountain Tasmanian Tiger series.

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newblokesPREORDER FROM AMAZON, APPLE IBOOKS, KOBO AND B&N — for release on March 27, 2018
Former mayor James Northan is missing, and someone is stealing important landmarks in Windy Mountain. In this humorous

mystery, elderly-tourists-to-be Oodles and Wish-Wash get sidetracked having to do some amateur detective work.

This is the third in the Windy Mountain Tasmanian Tiger series.

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832

Look: my first novel has found itself in a book bundle called Funny by Design with 19 other short stories, novellas and novels.

I’m in some great company, and it’s a lot of good reading for an amazing price.

Check it out here. Or buy it from your favourite platform

majorbs-onetitle
WHAT THE BOOK IS ABOUT: This is the second book in the Mad Bill series: 
Major Jeremy Billycock-Smythe never asked for a helicopter to take away his dreams and make him one of the most hated characters in funny fiction. What he really wanted was money, a knighthood and for everyone to call him Major B.S. The book is set around Canberra, Australia though two of the key characters come from London. If you enjoy a bit of schadenfreude, you’ll appreciate seeing Major B.S. getting his comeuppance while the man he bullies and belittles emerges as the real hero of the novel.

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Santas-Resignation-Letter-thumbTHIS BOOK IS NOT A NOVEL, RATHER YOU’LL FIND 16 FUNNY, FLASH FICTION STORIES THAT ARE A WINDOW INTO MY QUIRKY MIND:

Santa says he’s had enough. In this letter (which is the title piece in this funny flash fiction collection), he says Mrs Claus has had enough, too. “Rudolph the red-nose reindeer and all the other reindeers have also had enough (in fact, they’re the most angry. They wanted to do one more Christmas Eve run just so they could poop down everyone’s chimney.)”

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  • I have some other books in print. I’m not ashamed of them, because they served a purpose as guinea pigs when I needed to work out how this caper was done. But they’re not novels. If you’re curious enough to seek them out, go to my Amazon author page.

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