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Australian author John Martin

Funny with a twist of mystery

Author: johnmartinauthor

John Martin is the mysteriously​ funny writer bloke from Australia.

A dear John letter to the coach

1 Jan 20194 Jan 2019 Leave a comment

Dear coach, Please forgive me for doing this a few days before the grand final, but I quit. I was going to tell you at halftime of the preliminary final but, seeing as your face was so red and your blood pressure was obviously soooooooooooooo high, it did not seem like the right time. (Um,… Continue reading A dear John letter to the coach

Santa Claus contemplates his navel

8 Dec 20188 Dec 2018 Leave a comment

‘NOW TELL me,’ said the psychiatrist after settling his patient down on the couch, ‘How long have you thought you were really Santa Claus?’ ‘Santa Claus? My name is George!’ The man lifted his head and scowled. ‘What makes you think I think I am Santa Claus?’ ‘Er, w-w-well. I don’t get a lot of… Continue reading Santa Claus contemplates his navel

One small step for man, one giant leap backwards for photo processing

13 Jul 20189 Dec 2018 1 Comment

This piece of funny flash fiction was inspired by an online spat I had with an American who insisted I was wrong when I said the moon landing happened for me on July 21, 1969. I fully accept the date for him was July 20 but I’m not sure he understood how time zones work.… Continue reading One small step for man, one giant leap backwards for photo processing

Strife of the sparkie

3 Jul 2018 Leave a comment

When I telephoned a local electrician’s home yesterday, a small child answered. I was taken aback. I needed an electrician to check out the wiring on some light fittings, and I had got that number from the telephone directory — E for Electricians. I was not expecting someone so young to answer. “Um … hello… Continue reading Strife of the sparkie

Going up … advice for misery guts

29 Jun 20181 Jul 2018 Leave a comment

From July 1, Australian shoppers will be forced to buy from amazon.com.au rather than from Amazon stores overseas. I’ve seen some misery guts decrying this online but as an Australian author, I just see opportunity in that digital publishing space. Statistics tell us digital publishing is very immature in Australia compared with the United States… Continue reading Going up … advice for misery guts

It’s a long way to the hops, Mr Connell

18 Jun 201819 Jun 2018 5 Comments

I can thank Bert Connell for teaching me to play lawn bowls in 1979. I am not sure if this was before or after the time he sent me on a botched mission to fetch his pipe from home. The reason I can’t remember this is I’ve killed a lot a brain cells with alcohol… Continue reading It’s a long way to the hops, Mr Connell

Message in a bottle from a washed-up nervous flyer

8 Jun 20189 Jun 2018 Leave a comment

If scientists discover a fear-of-flying gene one day, does that mean that people like me will not be able to get travel insurance? My friend Orville says it is relatively safe to board a chunk of fuselage heavier than my house, defy gravity by taking off, go hurtling across the sky until it is time… Continue reading Message in a bottle from a washed-up nervous flyer

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John Martin is the mysteriously funny writer bloke from Australia. If you like his blog, you might like his books. Check them out in the menu.

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Recent Posts

  • A dear John letter to the coach
  • Santa Claus contemplates his navel
  • One small step for man, one giant leap backwards for photo processing
  • Strife of the sparkie
  • Going up … advice for misery guts
  • It’s a long way to the hops, Mr Connell
  • Message in a bottle from a washed-up nervous flyer
  • God carries a big stick
  • There’s gold in them thar urinals
  • Das strategy ist kaput

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