Hair despair

Has anyone thought what we’re going to look like when eventually we emerge from our houses?

I think it’s quite possible I will come out looking like Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

I can handle the prospect of long straggly hair and a seriously bald forehead.

It’s the expectation I’ll be able to lead the street in The Time Warp that really has me worried.

I have to say I’ve lost track of the rules on haircuts in Australia. Last I heard they are still happening, unlike the case in some other countries. The rules are changing daily so it wouldn’t surprise me if they are outlawed soon. How could anyone think social-distancing can be maintained in hair salons? Are hairdressers using two-yard-long scissors now?

Haircuts are not an essential service in my book.

When I was a youth, I could go months and months without a haircut, which is my my father called me a long-haired lout.

Admittedly, I’ve now settled into short back and sides, with a serious eyebrow chop, every six weeks or so.

But I can do without it, I really can. Long hair and bushy eyebrows are in my future.

Brace for bigger shocks.

That pretty blonde up the street might turn out to be a grey-haired old lady!

Reading to help get you through

I’ve quickly thrown together the five existing novels in my funny Windy Mountain series as a bundle. Apologies for the amateurish cover which I knocked up myself over at Canva. My cover artist, Maria Connors, is up to her eyeballs in real COVID-19 work at the moment. I’m asking $7.99 USD for the lot.

GET IT HERE

(This links to Amazon, Kobo and Google Play. I’m still waiting on Apple and B&N to list it)

BOOK 1

How could secret doggy business possibly solve the mystery of the Tasmanian Tiger?

Find out in this funny but touching story about two old men and an Irishman who are trying to save a failing Tasmanian Tiger museum. 

Lie of the Tiger will take you on an emotional rollercoaster but leave you feeling good.

BOOK 2

The Mayor is missing … someone is stealing important landmarks … and the Tasmanian Tiger starts being elusive once again.

Two old men go from being unlikely tourists to becoming unlikely sleuths in this funny novel.

Octogenarians Oodles and Wish-Wash had been planning to go to Ireland to retrace family history.

But they are forced to reassess their priorities when they realise no one else seems to share their concerns about the strange things happening in the normally sleepy little town.

BOOK 3

When a garden ornament goes missing, the new once-shady owners of the Tasmanian Tiger Museum get sucked into a funny whodunnit.

The clues include a skeleton, a chess set, and a concrete marsupial with a secret pouch.

Who better than two ex-cons to catch a criminal? It would be easier though if they knew who the bad guy really was!

BOOK 4

The old men think they’re flying to Ireland to trace family history and to inherit a castle. The reality is very different.

It seems St Patrick was so busy chasing the snakes out of Ireland, he overlooked ridding the country of Tasmanian Tigers. Or did he?

THE PREQUEL:  30 YEARS BEFORE THE START

This funny novel has revenge like you have probably never seen, dealt up by a Tasmanian Tiger hunter who doesn’t really want to deal it.

The Tasmanian Tiger hunter tangles with a greedy mayor who believes no one can tell him what to do with an apple orchard that was handed down from his great, great, great grandfather, who was a tyrant who struck fear into the hearts of Irish convicts under his command.

This book is set in the early 1990s and takes a satirical dig at a small town and some small-minded officials. 

When claims are made Tasmanian Tigers have been spotted in the orchard, the mayor doesn’t believe a word of it. Why would he? The last-known Tasmanian Tiger died in 1936, and the species was later declared extinct.

The Tasmanian Tiger hunter doesn’t believe the claims either, so why he does what he does is a mystery to the Mayor and his cronies — and a boon for a visiting American millionaire.

GET IT HERE

(This links to Amazon, Kobo and Google Play. I’m still waiting on Apple and B&N to list it).

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