Author: johnmartinauthor
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Beating a retreat
Every now and then a glossy ad pops up promising a “transformational writers’ retreat.” The photos always feature windswept cliffs, steaming mugs and a dozen thoughtful types gazing into the middle distance as if waiting for their muse to arrive by helicopter. I’ve never attended one — not a single catered morning tea or group…
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Oh yes, I’m the great pretender
Every industry has awards. Actors have Oscars, musicians have Grammys, journalists have Walkleys. Writers, supposedly, have plenty too — although most of us will never get within sniffing distance of one unless it’s on display in someone else’s lounge room. So I’ve decided the time has come to celebrate the overlooked, underfunded and entirely fabricated…
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I was a driving instructor on Mars
Writers are often told to “draw on their life experience,” which is excellent advice if you spent your formative years roaming the globe, living on a schooner or training llamas in Peru. I, on the other hand, spent 38 years in journalism. During that time I worked variously as a sports reporter, news reporter, feature…
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I haven’t got a giant moustache but I know who has
I can think of two good reasons I have never been asked to join a writers’ cricket team. Can’t bat, can’t bowl. Er, three. Can’t throw. Um, four. Can’t catch. Especially rock-hard, shiny red cricket balls. Do you blame me? My fingers are bruised enough from typing. For context, read Captain Hook takes aim over…
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Captain Hook takes aim over fine leg
If you ever need proof that writers will do almost anything to avoid actually writing, look no further than J.M. Barrie’s amateur cricket team, the Allahakbarries. With Australia getting the better of England in another Ashes battle, it feels like the right moment to remember that some of literature’s finest minds once tried their best…
JOHN MARTIN'S TALES 