Category: Uncategorized
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I’m not who you think I am. Wheely.
I can’t continue the lie. All this time I’ve been masquerading as a short, overweight, unfit former journalist called John Martin. But my real name is Urs Freuler — and in the 1980s and 1990s I was one of the world’s greatest cyclists. Six foot two. Muscles on muscles. Legs like tree trunks. Born in…
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The case for me as a piece of Australiana
Exhibit A: Name, Heritage and Pure CoincidenceA man named John Martin was a convict on the First Fleet. He was a Black American and a political prisoner. So it’s wildly unlikely I’m related — but you never know. Australia was built on improbability. Until recently I thought I had Locke blood on my mother’s side.…
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Tastebuds have a mind of their own. Cheers.
When I told my mate Orville the beer tasted like pyrethrum, he stopped mid-sip and looked at me in the careful way people do when they’re deciding whether to ask a follow-up. “How do you know what pyrethrum tastes like?” he said. I said this was a misunderstanding of the senses. Smell, I explained, is…
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Eating this biscuit requires skill
Having mentioned Tim Tams in my last post, I find myself morally obliged to deal with them properly. You can’t just drop Tim Tams into a piece and walk away. That’s like mentioning the pub and not shouting a round. The Tim Tam was introduced in 1964 by Arnott’s, inspired by a British biscuit called…
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The best fruit options for writers
Writers spend a lot of time worrying about the wrong things. Font choice. Notebook brands. Whether drinking coffee after noon is a moral failure. Nutrition occasionally wanders into the discussion. Fruit, we are told, is good for us. Sensible. Clean. Full of vitamins and virtue. But if fruit is going to earn a place on…
JOHN MARTIN'S TALES 