Category: Uncategorized
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My contribution to medical science
History is full of doctors and scientists who believed the quickest way to test a theory was on themselves. It sounds reckless today, but many regarded it as the ultimate proof of conviction. If they weren’t prepared to risk their own lives, why should anyone else? Australian doctor Barry Marshall famously swallowed Helicobacter pylori bacteria in 1984…
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Whatever you do, don’t mention the stool samples
This is a true story. It popped up in my social media feed as a memory from 2019. The chap behind the reception desk at Canberra Hospital pathology wasn’t Basil Fawlty, but I did wonder for a while. Him: “Have you been fasting?” Me: “Yes.” Him: “Why? There’s nothing on this form that says you…
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Why I never bought my wife a cow
I wrote this column years ago but it’s been edited for this blog post. Never let it be said that I am a culinary Philistine. I very nearly bought my wife Katherine a cow for Christmas. I didn’t in the end. But only because I couldn’t work out how to gift-wrap it. Has anyone ever…
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My sceptical carpet ride
Here’s another old column from my book, Son, give me back my trousers I have nothing against professional carpet cleaners. Anyone who can look at a red stain on a carpet and identify it immediately as Grange Hermitage 1963, made from grapes grown on the eastern side of the hill, has my utmost respect. Unless,…
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Starring in my own P-grade movie
I am spreadeagled on an adjustable chair with tubes up two of my orifices (hint: neither my mouth, nor my ears, nor my nostrils — which is comforting because it probably means my urologist knows what he’s doing.) I am here for a bladder pressure test and the date is mid-to-late 2025. My brain plays…
