JOHN MARTIN

I do not want to crow, but I’ve just had my first flu vaccine shot. My doctor jabbed me at the top of my left arm and, despite my apprehension, the needle hardly hurt. The only thing that worries me now is that before the jab I was sitting alone in the doctor’s room with… Continue reading Are you feeling clucky, punk

MICHAEL was born with a deformity which prevented him from being a proficient handyman. It was not a particularly visible deformity. In fact, the midwife who delivered him had not even noticed his deficiency. He seemed to have all the bits and pieces he would need in life — two legs, two arms, 10 fingers… Continue reading Curse of the unhandyman

Alas, my mate Orville is not the sensitive kind. When he heard I had just lost my job, he was quick to tell me it was actually my fault. ‘My fault!” I said. “How can it be my fault? My editor called me into his office and told me to make my next column my… Continue reading Don’t hobnob with doorknobs

When Ludwig van Beethoven was born in Germany in 1770, I wonder how many people would have predicted he would grow up to be one of the most famous composers the world has known. I wonder, too, how many people would have predicted that one day he would cause a kerfuffle in my house? Not… Continue reading The mother of all kerfuffles

Jeremiah Spikehead could hardly believe it when he was selected to play volleyball at the Sydney Olympics. It was a dream come true: his chance to represent his country at his chosen sport. He got a big shock, however, the day he turned up at the venue marked down in his program for day one… Continue reading Village boy becomes king of the castle