JOHN MARTIN

Alas, my mate Orville is not the sensitive kind. When he heard I had just lost my job, he was quick to tell me it was actually my fault. ‘My fault!” I said. “How can it be my fault? My editor called me into his office and told me to make my next column my… Continue reading Don’t hobnob with doorknobs

When Ludwig van Beethoven was born in Germany in 1770, I wonder how many people would have predicted he would grow up to be one of the most famous composers the world has known. I wonder, too, how many people would have predicted that one day he would cause a kerfuffle in my house? Not… Continue reading The mother of all kerfuffles

Jeremiah Spikehead could hardly believe it when he was selected to play volleyball at the Sydney Olympics. It was a dream come true: his chance to represent his country at his chosen sport. He got a big shock, however, the day he turned up at the venue marked down in his program for day one… Continue reading Village boy becomes king of the castle

A work colleague has a friend who, being without a TV remote, changes channels with a stick. No kidding. He likes to watch telly in bed and wields the three-foot stick to change channels so he does not have to move too many muscles. Can you imagine that? Have we become that sad? Until today I never… Continue reading More funny than you can poke a stick at

I have a Swiss Army pocketknife so, um, I have to ask: what is it that the members of the Swiss Army actually do? Apparently, the Swiss Army knife was invented for the army more than a century ago to help soldiers assemble their rifles. I read on the web that the Swiss Army today… Continue reading On the cutting edge with the Swiss Army