JOHN MARTIN

Has anyone thought what we’re going to look like when eventually we emerge from our houses? I think it’s quite possible I will come out looking like Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I can handle the prospect of long straggly hair and a seriously bald forehead. It’s the expectation I’ll be able… Continue reading Hair despair

I am pretty sure they had music in the 1950s. At least, that is what I told a young woman I met at the CD stand in a budget store the other day. “Excuse me (middleaged gentleman),” asked the woman, who was just 17 or 18, as we browsed side-by-side. “Do you know when the… Continue reading Turn that funky music down, boy

‘NOW TELL me,’ said the psychiatrist after settling his patient down on the couch, ‘How long have you thought you were really Santa Claus?’ ‘Santa Claus? My name is George!’ The man lifted his head and scowled. ‘What makes you think I think I am Santa Claus?’ ‘Er, w-w-well. I don’t get a lot of… Continue reading Santa Claus contemplates his navel

This piece of funny flash fiction was inspired by an online spat I had with an American who insisted I was wrong when I said the moon landing happened for me on July 21, 1969. I fully accept the date for him was July 20 but I’m not sure he understood how time zones work.… Continue reading One small step for man, one giant leap backwards for photo processing

When I telephoned a local electrician’s home yesterday, a small child answered. I was taken aback. I needed an electrician to check out the wiring on some light fittings, and I had got that number from the telephone directory — E for Electricians. I was not expecting someone so young to answer. “Um … hello… Continue reading Strife of the sparkie