JOHN MARTIN

They say every cloud has a silver lining. Mine came in the form of a silver-coloured spanner. For years, my wife has shunned my handyman skills. I don’t know why. I am always the first person to put up my hand when something needs fixing. “Don’t be ridiculous, John,” she always says when something breaks… Continue reading Looking the part

We normally keep our distance from the Morris dancers at the National Folk Festival. This year we are taking that to a whole new level. We’re not even going to be able to see them from a distance. For some years my wife and I have been regulars at the folkie in Canberra on Good… Continue reading Keeping our distance

Has anyone thought what we’re going to look like when eventually we emerge from our houses? I think it’s quite possible I will come out looking like Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. I can handle the prospect of long straggly hair and a seriously bald forehead. It’s the expectation I’ll be able… Continue reading Hair despair

I am pretty sure they had music in the 1950s. At least, that is what I told a young woman I met at the CD stand in a budget store the other day. “Excuse me (middleaged gentleman),” asked the woman, who was just 17 or 18, as we browsed side-by-side. “Do you know when the… Continue reading Turn that funky music down, boy

‘NOW TELL me,’ said the psychiatrist after settling his patient down on the couch, ‘How long have you thought you were really Santa Claus?’ ‘Santa Claus? My name is George!’ The man lifted his head and scowled. ‘What makes you think I think I am Santa Claus?’ ‘Er, w-w-well. I don’t get a lot of… Continue reading Santa Claus contemplates his navel